Last week, after a particularly tough few days in my health and life, I logged on to our team’s weekly Zoom meeting and shared that I could consider that day a win because I was wearing earrings. Alex, Meigan, and Spencer looked at me as if I had lost my mind, and then I explained that the one small thing I do for myself every day is put on earrings, because it makes me feel human.
Still looking puzzled, I explained that there are so many things in my life that I have to do, so this is one small, quick thing I can and want to do for myself. Alex, Meigan, and Spencer have seen me at my worst and at my best, so it is not about how I appear to them; it is about how I feel about myself.
It will also come as no surprise that this daily practice started during my two-year treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. I was in a maintenance period of my protocol, where I only had to take oral medications, and my blood counts were high enough that I could go on vacation with my family. My parents took my two younger brothers and me to Disney World, and we were walking down the hall of our hotel when a woman behind us kindly said to my parents, “What handsome boys you have.” I, of course, had peach fuzz for hair with a baseball cap on, so no one could blame her for assuming I was a boy, but I was furious and hurt. I spun around and spat back at the poor woman, “I’m a girl!” Then, proceeded to quickly stomp down the hallway.
From then on, putting on a pair of earrings every morning has been my way of preparing myself to face whatever the day may bring, while simultaneously helping me feel more like the woman I am and want to be. Small gestures like this make a world of difference in how we see ourselves.
When I asked my husband what makes him feel human, he said that it is drinking his first cup of coffee. Trying not to see this as a cop-out and not judging, he explained that the simple act of making or going to get a cup of coffee, then drinking it quietly by himself, gives him the mental space and caffeine kick he needs to face his day.
You probably already have your habit or practice that makes you feel human, but if you don’t, it is never too late to start. Keep in mind that you have to brush your teeth, wash your face, shower, take your daily meds, etc. This “thing” should be something that makes you feel better and more prepared for the day ahead. I literally ran to a Zoom meeting today with Alex and Meigan and said to myself, “Oh, I forgot to put in my earrings!”
I am terrible at it, but working on becoming more present and even learning to meditate. However, it has to be moving meditation because the ADD I developed as a result of my radiation therapy makes me struggle to sit in silence too long. This one small thing, putting on a pair of earrings, helps me take back what the day before may have stolen, celebrate the good that happened, and just remember who and what I am going into the day ahead. This is meditation and being present for me, and I am happy to help you find what helps you feel your best self.
I hope this inspires you to find your own small thing that makes you feel human. And remember, you don’t have to do it alone, our team is here to offer support if you need it.
